So I'm finally feeling better from the illness that has taken over my entire summer...which has put me in a much better mood.
I'm feeling slightly less panicked about going to France, which is a plus. I feel like, for the most part, I am SO ready for a change and SO ready to leave Tucson. It's going to be hard, and I'm going to be miserable at times, I know this...however I'm sure I will adjust rapidly and the good times will outweigh the bad.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
What have I gotten myself into?!?!
So today I had an epiphany...or two. When I was down by the U of A for salsa it suddenly dawned on me that I really am no longer a student there. I've kind of been waiting for this day; the day that I would realize that, after 17 straight years I was just done. Weird. Definitely weird. The last 4 years feel like they blurred by so fast.
Second realization occurred shortly after when I realized that I would soon be quitting the only job I have ever had. Another one that I knew was coming, but still equally as...whoa. As much as I have hated that place, I have grown up there and I have learned so much about people in the last 5 years. There are some people who I will miss to death and few who I cannot wait to say good riddance, I hope we never cross paths again.
Third and final realization was WTF AM I DOING?!?!?! I'm deeply questioning what I'm doing. I am up and leaving basically everything I have ever known, every ONE I have ever known for a place where I will not know anything. I hardly even speak French. I knew that this realization would come as well. I know myself, I knew that I would regret it and feel this complete urge to back out. I am someone who hates change and, unless I am forced to do something I never will. This is why I bought my plane ticket months ago, I knew that if I waited and had no definite plans I would chicken out.
I'm in too deep now to back out. I have a plane ticket, I almost have a place to live, I have my visa. This is real.
In 69 days I will be on my way to Marseille, France and probably scared out of my freakin mind. I am a planner and this entire thing is so unplanned. On one hand I am panicking and attempting to plan the crap out of the next seven months; on the other...I really don't care. I have this feeling in my gut that everything will work itself out. With everything I just said, deep down I feel OK. I know that this is right and that this is what I need to do. I am letting (to get all hippy and metaphysical for a second) the stars guide me and I am ready to just relax and enjoy the ride.
My ultimate main concern is money. I think that's where my stress comes from. I do not have enough saved and I want to be able to travel and stuff. I have some options for funds but I really need to decide if they are right. That is for another day though!
Second realization occurred shortly after when I realized that I would soon be quitting the only job I have ever had. Another one that I knew was coming, but still equally as...whoa. As much as I have hated that place, I have grown up there and I have learned so much about people in the last 5 years. There are some people who I will miss to death and few who I cannot wait to say good riddance, I hope we never cross paths again.
Third and final realization was WTF AM I DOING?!?!?! I'm deeply questioning what I'm doing. I am up and leaving basically everything I have ever known, every ONE I have ever known for a place where I will not know anything. I hardly even speak French. I knew that this realization would come as well. I know myself, I knew that I would regret it and feel this complete urge to back out. I am someone who hates change and, unless I am forced to do something I never will. This is why I bought my plane ticket months ago, I knew that if I waited and had no definite plans I would chicken out.
I'm in too deep now to back out. I have a plane ticket, I almost have a place to live, I have my visa. This is real.
In 69 days I will be on my way to Marseille, France and probably scared out of my freakin mind. I am a planner and this entire thing is so unplanned. On one hand I am panicking and attempting to plan the crap out of the next seven months; on the other...I really don't care. I have this feeling in my gut that everything will work itself out. With everything I just said, deep down I feel OK. I know that this is right and that this is what I need to do. I am letting (to get all hippy and metaphysical for a second) the stars guide me and I am ready to just relax and enjoy the ride.
My ultimate main concern is money. I think that's where my stress comes from. I do not have enough saved and I want to be able to travel and stuff. I have some options for funds but I really need to decide if they are right. That is for another day though!
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