So, when I initially was planning my trip to France, I had no intention of coming back to the states until April/May. However, if my lovely friends and readers remember, my first days were, to put it nicely, rough. So, in conjunction and support of my parents, I decided I'd come home for some time over the Christmas break.
Everyone keeps asking me, why only a week? Well, I needed to come home for a bit for a mix of reasons, however I already had plans for Christmas that I was looking forward to.
I didn't tell people I was coming home for awhile because it was a really personal thing and, along with having some obligations to take care of, I also wasn't sure how I needed/wanted to spend my time at home.
I've been in Tucson since Tuesday, and I can now fully understand the extent of "there's no place like home". Instantly my plane landed (after a long and draining 33 hours of travel), and I felt like I was picking up where I left off. Everything in my room is how I left it, my cat, my dog, my family...all the same. I've spent the week catching up with people and spending as much time as possible with my family (and also enjoying delicious Mexican food).
I have been greeted with such warm welcomings that it may be even harder to leave this time than the first. I have such amazingly wonderful people in my life and I only wish I had decided to stay here longer so I could enjoy more time with everyone.
I love my friends and family so much. I could not be more blessed with loving and warm people in my life. I've come to realize half of the reason I love salsa so much is the awesome people. This week, I could care less about if I had bad dance nights or not, I had a blast just dancing with and being in the company of my amazing friends.
Seeing my non-salsa friends and being able to catch up as though I'd only been away for a week is so comforting and takes away so many fears that I had that I'd be forgotten.
I think the feeling of comfort and the fact that I resettled in without a hiccup comes from this weird feeling of separateness of my life in Marseille and life in Tucson. They are so completely separate that it almost feels like I dreamed my life there. I think this half of it will be different and I'll start creating links between the two since people will be visiting me in the coming months.
This trip home has made me sort of refocus. Being away from Marseille helps me put my life there in some sort of perspective. I wish I could lie and tell people I love the city, but as most people have heard, I dislike it greatly. The best thing about it is the awesome people I have met.
So, I need to remember why I wanted to come to France so much and things that I need to work on.
I need to start speaking more French, that is a fact. I think I'm going to force all of my fellow anglophones to speak French when we are together...COME ON GUYS!
I also need to meet more french people, I legitimately have more French friends in Tucson, Arizona, USA than I do in Marseille, France. This is NOT acceptable, it feels like I'd be improving my French more in Tucson at this point.
I will be traveling more in the Spring regardless if I am alone or have people, if you don't like the city you are in and can't move, then get out as much as possible. I already am planning a trip with Torie for Februray and I think I am visiting a friend in Angers the last week of January so I already have stuff to look forward to.
Eat more French food! Everyone keeps asking me what great foods I've been eating, and I respond with pasta and eggs, not ok. I am going to budget in eating some local cuisine more often or at least trying to cook more "french" food.
Here's to part two of une vie française.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
The Birthday Abroad
Today I turn 23, and I am in France. I was talking to a friend last night and she asked me what I normally do on my birthday. Well, to be honest, I usually do a lot with my mom. When I was younger she would take me out of school and to lunch and as I've gotten older we either do lunch or dinner and then she spoils me. So, naturally that made this years celebration a little bit of a bummer.
That's not to say this years birthday was bad, not by any means. In fact, my friends here have gone above and beyond to make this a wonderful birthday. On Saturday, I organized a College-themed party complete with beer pong and flip cup. Although we got yelled at by some cranky French neighbors and had water poured on us, it was an excellent celebration and everyone had a blast!!! They surprised me with balloons and cupcakes when I walked in and it was wonderful.
Today I took a trip up to Aix-en-Provence and had coffee with a friend up there and then visited their art museum. It was really nice and relaxing and it was nice to just get out of the city for a day. I woke up kind of bummed out, but I think I'm ok. I feel so much love and warmth from everyone (from home and here). I can also safely say, that this years birthday is a hell of a lot better than last years and I couldn't have asked for more.
That's not to say this years birthday was bad, not by any means. In fact, my friends here have gone above and beyond to make this a wonderful birthday. On Saturday, I organized a College-themed party complete with beer pong and flip cup. Although we got yelled at by some cranky French neighbors and had water poured on us, it was an excellent celebration and everyone had a blast!!! They surprised me with balloons and cupcakes when I walked in and it was wonderful.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Another one down
Month two is officially complete. I can safely say that this month has come to a close a lot more easily than the first. I feel like I've been here so much longer and the weeks are absolutely flying by. Things are starting to feel more and more like home here which is wonderful. Myself and about 10 or 11 other assistants from all over the world had a Thanksgiving which definitely led to a sense of home. We did it potluck style where everyone brought something to share and we all ate far too much and sat around all afternoon drinking, snacking, and chatting and it was marvelous. It definitely took away some of the sting of being away from home for such a huge family holiday. It's like all of us have formed our own little family and it's so nice.
My birthday is a week from today and I'm not dreading it quite as much as I was last week...we'll see how it goes when the day actually gets here. This weekend should be fun; we have a boat party Friday, I am having a birthday party on Saturday, and Sunday shall be a lazy day.
I went to a giant supermarket that was a bit far, but SO worth the commute. I bought some Christmas decorations and now my apartment feels a little more festive!!! I also received some bday cards in the mail from my family so that will be nice to open :)
Friday, November 25, 2011
The obligatory Thanksgiving post
Spending the most important American holiday in a country that is NOT America is not an easy task. I gave my students lessons on thanksgiving this week and last and, while they were interested, they clearly did not get it. The French (or maybe just the Marseillais) are not the most festive group of people and they were all completely fascinated by how all out we go for holidays.
My class nearly made me cry when they asked me if I was able to go home for the holiday and remarked that they were sad for me because I couldn't.
I went to the market to pick up some celery and garlic for my attempt at thanksgiving dinner. Afterward Barbara came by to chat for a bit, which was very nice; it definitely is a blessing to have a friend so close so that I don't have to be completely alone at all times. After she left I decided to cook my dinner; while it wasn't a terrible meal, it was NOT the same. I dirtied every dish in my house to have a 15 minute meal which caused some tears when I realized my stuffing was NOWHERE near my mom's.
However, I did somehow make some homemade gravy and I did do SOME sort of stuffing. I also purchased a little strawberry tart from the bakery downstairs which was phenomenal.
I am thankful for all the amazing people I have in my life everywhere in the world. I miss everyone in Tucson so dearly and I am counting down the days until I can see them again. I miss my dear Victoria in Korea who is in a similar situation to me and I am thankful for her empathy and that we can be there for one another. I am thankful for everyone I have met her in France and I am so glad that they are fun and supportive and keep me going from day to day.
My class nearly made me cry when they asked me if I was able to go home for the holiday and remarked that they were sad for me because I couldn't.
However, I did somehow make some homemade gravy and I did do SOME sort of stuffing. I also purchased a little strawberry tart from the bakery downstairs which was phenomenal.
I am thankful for all the amazing people I have in my life everywhere in the world. I miss everyone in Tucson so dearly and I am counting down the days until I can see them again. I miss my dear Victoria in Korea who is in a similar situation to me and I am thankful for her empathy and that we can be there for one another. I am thankful for everyone I have met her in France and I am so glad that they are fun and supportive and keep me going from day to day.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Mac and Cheese
I have two days off in the week: Tuesday and Friday, however I only consider Tuesday to be my official "day off", I've been completely spoiled since I started college with not having classes on Fridays so, for me, even when I was working, Fridays have always seemed like a part of the weekend.
Since I have SO much freetime as it is I try and do something special on the day deemed my day off. Usually I will cook a little something special or go do something touristy.
The week before last I went to the beach (in the middle of November...and it was gorgeous).
My version of the recipe is as follows (only very slightly changed from the original:
1 cup pasta
1 cup milk
(if needed, additional 1/4 cup milk or water for final cooking)
1/2 tablespoon Butter
1/4 teaspoon Mustard
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup Cheese; for this recipe I used emmental (a type of swiss), but I plan to experiment with other cheeses
1. In medium sauce pan (about 3.5 qt), add milk, raw pasta, salt, butter, and mustard
2. On medium heat, slowly bring milk/pasta mixture to a simmer, stirring the pasta frequently as it comes up to a simmer
3. Once mixture comes to a simmer, immediately turn down heat to LOW. Pasta will slowly cook in the milk. Having your heat too high will evaporate the milk too quickly!
4. Continue to stir the mixture frequently so that macaroni will cook evenly and absorb milk evenly. If you don’t stir your mixture frequently, you will get a big clump of macaroni in the end! Stir, stir stir!
5. Cook for about 15-20 minutes or until milk has been fully absorbed. If macaroni is not cooked fully, add a little more milk or water to mixture (in small amounts) until macaroni is fully cooked. This will take about another 5 minutes.
6. When milk has evaporated, stir in grated cheese of your choice. Stir the cheese evenly into the macaroni.
7. Turn off heat. Place lid on top of pan and cover for about 5 minutes. This rest period will allow macaroni to plump up and absorb any excess milk.
8. Take a final taste and add additional salt to taste. Before serving, stir one final time to mix everything together.
The result:
I'd say it didn't turn out to shabby. It was creamy and cheesy and good and definite comfort food!
Since I have SO much freetime as it is I try and do something special on the day deemed my day off. Usually I will cook a little something special or go do something touristy.
The week before last I went to the beach (in the middle of November...and it was gorgeous).
Seriously....who am I kidding, Marseille definitely has some perks.
The bus to get to the beach took quite a long time with morning traffic, which I can't say I minded much because (being the true American that I am) I love being in a vehicle. I was hungry and a bit tired by the time I was done at the beach, but I was tired of eating the same thing everyday. It then dawned on me how easy it would be to make Macaroni and Cheese...I had all the ingredients and I could make it on the stove...DING DING DING we have a winner!
I googled easy stovetop Macaroni and Cheese (to avoid the baked stuff or some version with a ridiculous amount of ingredients that would cost me an arm and a leg) and I found one that was made in one pot and boasted as the "best stove top, one pot macaroni and cheese recipe", SOLD.
1 cup milk
(if needed, additional 1/4 cup milk or water for final cooking)
1/2 tablespoon Butter
1/4 teaspoon Mustard
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup Cheese; for this recipe I used emmental (a type of swiss), but I plan to experiment with other cheeses
1. In medium sauce pan (about 3.5 qt), add milk, raw pasta, salt, butter, and mustard
2. On medium heat, slowly bring milk/pasta mixture to a simmer, stirring the pasta frequently as it comes up to a simmer
3. Once mixture comes to a simmer, immediately turn down heat to LOW. Pasta will slowly cook in the milk. Having your heat too high will evaporate the milk too quickly!
4. Continue to stir the mixture frequently so that macaroni will cook evenly and absorb milk evenly. If you don’t stir your mixture frequently, you will get a big clump of macaroni in the end! Stir, stir stir!
5. Cook for about 15-20 minutes or until milk has been fully absorbed. If macaroni is not cooked fully, add a little more milk or water to mixture (in small amounts) until macaroni is fully cooked. This will take about another 5 minutes.
6. When milk has evaporated, stir in grated cheese of your choice. Stir the cheese evenly into the macaroni.
7. Turn off heat. Place lid on top of pan and cover for about 5 minutes. This rest period will allow macaroni to plump up and absorb any excess milk.
8. Take a final taste and add additional salt to taste. Before serving, stir one final time to mix everything together.
The result:
I'd say it didn't turn out to shabby. It was creamy and cheesy and good and definite comfort food!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
The Bucket List
I started this list YEARS ago, like no joke, I started this when I was on myspace, THAT'S how old it is. I mentioned it while having ice cream with a friend and it made me want to resurrect it.
Another goal by the time I leave Marseille is to complete this list. I'm sure I can think of 100 things to do before I die, especially now that I'm just around the corner of 23, I have more of an idea what I want out of this life. I've also updated it a bit to take out a lot of my 16 year old "Date a celebrity" goals hahaha
1. Live in a city up north, a city on the west coast, and a city on the east coast of the United States for at least a few months.
2. Visit all 50 states
3. Speak French fluently
4. Be able to get by in at least 4 languages
5. Live in France or some other French speaking country (Yeah!!!)
6. Get Married
7. Have at least 1 child and/or adopt
8. Graduate College
9. Go on a blind date
10. Have a role in a movie or TV show (even if it's just as an extra in the background)
11. Go in a hot air balloon
12. Go in a submarine
13. Go Scuba Diving
14. Spend $1000 on one shopping trip (not on furniture, or cars or something big like on clothes or movies or junk like that) and have not have to worry about regretting it
15. Buy a brand new car
16. Write a song
17. Have a decent paying job so I don't have to worry about money
18. Have a movie collection of 500+
19. Figure out what I really want to do with my life
20. Love my job
21. Start playing the violin again and get good at it
22. Do well in college
23. Own a business
24. Be a good cook
25. See the Goo Goo Dolls play live
26. Be involved in a concert tour
27. Perform something at an open mic night
28. Write a book
29. Give an attractive stranger my number in an entirely confident manner
30. Visit the Smithsonian
31. Go to Disneyland
32. Go to Disney World
33. Go on a safari in Africa
34. Spend a summer at a beach house
35. Spend a winter at a cabin the woods
36. Start a sing-along in a bar
37. Keep in touch with at least one friend for the rest of our lives
38. Make at least one new friend that I can keep for life in college (And soooo many more)
39. Write a screenplay
40. Hike down the BOTTOM of the Grand Canyon and not feel like im going to die coming back up
41. Take part in a triathalon
42. Read at least 1000 books
43. Find one thing in the world that makes me unconditionally happy and know that it's there for me when i need it (Salsa)
44. Be able to think about happy memories in my past without being overly nostalgic and sad
45. Make a full sized snowman and watch it melt all day
46. Cook a Thanksgiving dinner all by myself
47. Write my autobiography
48. Be able to gain respect and praise for something I love to do (Salsa Salsa Salsa)
49. See the Northern Lights
50. Visit Niagra Falls
51. Meet a hugely famous celebrity (Like Brad Pitt or Oprah or some crap) and have a real conversation with them
52. Buy a house
53. Learn to say "I Love You" and "Would you like to dance" in a minimum of 20 languages.
54. Get over my OCD
55. Have a darkroom in my home.
56. Take some sort of Dance Class (HAH! Look at that!)
57. Become a better photographer
58. Become a better writer
59. Take art classes.
60. Have irrefutable self-confidence
61. Learn to drive a manual transmission car
62. Stay up all night with someone and see the sun rise (or do it twice in the same week).
63. Be happy with my body
64. Go on a helicopter ride
65. Be on a reality show
66. Sit in the audience at an award's show/volunteer at one)
67. Compete in a salsa competition.
68. Dance on every continent in the world.
69. Teach a dance class.
70. Spend one day speaking nothing but French
71. Take an around the world trip.
72. Go on a cruise to anywhere.
73. Have the freedom to get in my car/buy a train/plane/bus ticket as a completely haphazard and out of the blue trip.
.....
Another goal by the time I leave Marseille is to complete this list. I'm sure I can think of 100 things to do before I die, especially now that I'm just around the corner of 23, I have more of an idea what I want out of this life. I've also updated it a bit to take out a lot of my 16 year old "Date a celebrity" goals hahaha
1. Live in a city up north, a city on the west coast, and a city on the east coast of the United States for at least a few months.
2. Visit all 50 states
3. Speak French fluently
4. Be able to get by in at least 4 languages
6. Get Married
7. Have at least 1 child and/or adopt
9. Go on a blind date
10. Have a role in a movie or TV show (even if it's just as an extra in the background)
11. Go in a hot air balloon
12. Go in a submarine
13. Go Scuba Diving
14. Spend $1000 on one shopping trip (not on furniture, or cars or something big like on clothes or movies or junk like that) and have not have to worry about regretting it
15. Buy a brand new car
16. Write a song
17. Have a decent paying job so I don't have to worry about money
18. Have a movie collection of 500+
19. Figure out what I really want to do with my life
20. Love my job
21. Start playing the violin again and get good at it
23. Own a business
24. Be a good cook
25. See the Goo Goo Dolls play live
26. Be involved in a concert tour
27. Perform something at an open mic night
28. Write a book
29. Give an attractive stranger my number in an entirely confident manner
30. Visit the Smithsonian
32. Go to Disney World
33. Go on a safari in Africa
34. Spend a summer at a beach house
35. Spend a winter at a cabin the woods
36. Start a sing-along in a bar
37. Keep in touch with at least one friend for the rest of our lives
39. Write a screenplay
40. Hike down the BOTTOM of the Grand Canyon and not feel like im going to die coming back up
41. Take part in a triathalon
42. Read at least 1000 books
45. Make a full sized snowman and watch it melt all day
46. Cook a Thanksgiving dinner all by myself
47. Write my autobiography
49. See the Northern Lights
50. Visit Niagra Falls
51. Meet a hugely famous celebrity (Like Brad Pitt or Oprah or some crap) and have a real conversation with them
52. Buy a house
53. Learn to say "I Love You" and "Would you like to dance" in a minimum of 20 languages.
55. Have a darkroom in my home.
59. Take art classes.
60. Have irrefutable self-confidence
61. Learn to drive a manual transmission car
64. Go on a helicopter ride
65. Be on a reality show
66. Sit in the audience at an award's show/volunteer at one)
67. Compete in a salsa competition.
68. Dance on every continent in the world.
69. Teach a dance class.
70. Spend one day speaking nothing but French
71. Take an around the world trip.
72. Go on a cruise to anywhere.
73. Have the freedom to get in my car/buy a train/plane/bus ticket as a completely haphazard and out of the blue trip.
.....
An update
I am in freakin' Marseille, France and I have nothing to update my blog about, what is this? I guess it's just a lot easier for me to complain than to update the positive (I'm not sure if I should laugh about this or start a serious life reevaluation...).
I was sick for a good week and a half which resulted in a relapse to which I became incredibly depressed and homesick once again. Being sick and thousands of miles away from your mommy is awful.
I'm feeling better slowly, whatever this sickness is has been passed around through all the assistants so it's just been lingering around, ugh.
I can feel myself feeling more adjusted here. Life is becoming more and more routine and as I'm getting used to life here the culture shock is gradually wearing off so that's nice. I definitely still feel homesick every single day, HOWEVER, I can safely say it's been days since I was unbearably upset.
The people here are amazing and I'm pretty sure ALL I actually do is hang out and eat, which I can't really complain about. I'm learning a lot about myself and about meeting people and whatnot which is, I guess, a big reason why I wanted to come here.
It seems as though this program is divided into two parts, divided by Christmas vacation, which is nice. This portion is the uphill battle where I'm slowly learning exactly what issues I have and need to work on, and part two I see as working out the kinks and making some lifelong choices.
I think the most difficult part of this whole thing, is the overall sense of loneliness. Again, I'm definitely happy and I LOVE all the new friends I've made, however it's just not the same as the friends who have known me for years. I miss my family like crazy and I miss my cat and dog. I miss my best friends and just being able to call them up for ice cream. My sister just participated in the El Tour de Tucson and I missed it because I'm here. Thanksgiving is gonna be really hard, really, really hard.
There's also the whole, being in a country surrounded by overtly affectionate couples and it getting colder and feeling the need to get cozy with someone. Yeah, THAT. That's really nothing new for me though, I've never been the happiest person around winter time. Maybe being here and discovering so much new stuff will change that....we will see...
Teaching has been going well actually. I would say 90-95% of the students are great. Half the time "class" literally turns into me joking around and just chatting with the kids, which is AWESOME.
Things are slowly falling into place....
I was sick for a good week and a half which resulted in a relapse to which I became incredibly depressed and homesick once again. Being sick and thousands of miles away from your mommy is awful.
I'm feeling better slowly, whatever this sickness is has been passed around through all the assistants so it's just been lingering around, ugh.
I can feel myself feeling more adjusted here. Life is becoming more and more routine and as I'm getting used to life here the culture shock is gradually wearing off so that's nice. I definitely still feel homesick every single day, HOWEVER, I can safely say it's been days since I was unbearably upset.
The people here are amazing and I'm pretty sure ALL I actually do is hang out and eat, which I can't really complain about. I'm learning a lot about myself and about meeting people and whatnot which is, I guess, a big reason why I wanted to come here.
It seems as though this program is divided into two parts, divided by Christmas vacation, which is nice. This portion is the uphill battle where I'm slowly learning exactly what issues I have and need to work on, and part two I see as working out the kinks and making some lifelong choices.
I think the most difficult part of this whole thing, is the overall sense of loneliness. Again, I'm definitely happy and I LOVE all the new friends I've made, however it's just not the same as the friends who have known me for years. I miss my family like crazy and I miss my cat and dog. I miss my best friends and just being able to call them up for ice cream. My sister just participated in the El Tour de Tucson and I missed it because I'm here. Thanksgiving is gonna be really hard, really, really hard.
There's also the whole, being in a country surrounded by overtly affectionate couples and it getting colder and feeling the need to get cozy with someone. Yeah, THAT. That's really nothing new for me though, I've never been the happiest person around winter time. Maybe being here and discovering so much new stuff will change that....we will see...
Teaching has been going well actually. I would say 90-95% of the students are great. Half the time "class" literally turns into me joking around and just chatting with the kids, which is AWESOME.
Things are slowly falling into place....
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
6 weeks already?
Where has time gone? I have already been in France for 6 weeks (to the date). I guess I've fallen into some semblance of a routine because I've barely even noticed how much time has passed.
I am hesitant to write about me feeling better and doing better because everytime I do, I seem to spiral back into a homesick depression.
It comes and goes in waves, which, from everything I've read and seen, is pretty normal.
I am the type of person who always looks a few steps ahead. Lately I've been finding my own place here, however, with that comes "what am i going to come may?" and I start questioning my future, what can i do to travel more, to come back to France, etc. So, instead of enjoying my time here NOW I'm looking for how I can come back. I need to stop. I've decided that after I get home from winter break I am taking every moment as it comes and not worrying about what waits for me after this.
I'm worried about money and worried about if I will be happy when I go back to Tucson, but I need to stop.
The meditation, I think helps. The best for me is when I dedicate positive energy toward those who have upset and hurt me. It's relaxing and comforting to not stew on negativity. I let people get me down and dwell on it, and I need to learn to let go.
I am in the process of planning a 2 week trip in December and it is giving me something to look forward to and be positive about.
I am really also enjoying this independence, while it sucks having to buy everything I need, it's a really empowering feeling and it's nice that, if I wanna go out until 5am on Saturday, or meet for lunch with friends on Sunday, I don't have to feel guilty or obligated to answer to someone.
I am hesitant to write about me feeling better and doing better because everytime I do, I seem to spiral back into a homesick depression.
It comes and goes in waves, which, from everything I've read and seen, is pretty normal.
I am the type of person who always looks a few steps ahead. Lately I've been finding my own place here, however, with that comes "what am i going to come may?" and I start questioning my future, what can i do to travel more, to come back to France, etc. So, instead of enjoying my time here NOW I'm looking for how I can come back. I need to stop. I've decided that after I get home from winter break I am taking every moment as it comes and not worrying about what waits for me after this.
I'm worried about money and worried about if I will be happy when I go back to Tucson, but I need to stop.
The meditation, I think helps. The best for me is when I dedicate positive energy toward those who have upset and hurt me. It's relaxing and comforting to not stew on negativity. I let people get me down and dwell on it, and I need to learn to let go.
I am in the process of planning a 2 week trip in December and it is giving me something to look forward to and be positive about.
I am really also enjoying this independence, while it sucks having to buy everything I need, it's a really empowering feeling and it's nice that, if I wanna go out until 5am on Saturday, or meet for lunch with friends on Sunday, I don't have to feel guilty or obligated to answer to someone.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
Meditation.
The other article I found was a guided script for meditation.
I've felt this sudden urge and desire for spirituality since I've been in France. I think it's because I've felt so utterly lost and I have no idea how to find myself; humans seem to have this natural urge to find themselves through external sources, such as religion or simply loved ones. It's particularly hard when you displace yourself to somewhere in which you have no one, so the loved ones part becomes difficult.
Although I am making friends, it's not the same as people who know me well enough to know what to say when I'm in certain moods.
I have wanted to find a synagogue, however, that is slightly scary because I've never even been in the states! I still want to though because even though I don't quite agree with organized religion, Judaism is the one which i most closely identify with.
The church yesterday was so peaceful and calming. I'm not sure if it was just because it was quiet in there or if it was some spiritual awakening that I had...I will have to explore this more while I am here.
So, after reading the meditation article, I gave it a try. I am going to try and do it daily to decompress and see if it starts to help. Tonight's session was kind of rough and I started crying as I sent positive energy toward my loved ones (however that may be a good thing, shedding tears can be quite a strong sense of emotion right?).
So for those who want to try, here is the script:
I think that this, coupled with forcing myself to stop thinking about everything I MISS at home will do me a lot of good. Once I stop thinking, "I miss X, I miss Y, I miss Z about Tucson" I need to smack myself and say, well that's great about Tucson but I am in Marseille and there are a million wonderful things here.
I've felt this sudden urge and desire for spirituality since I've been in France. I think it's because I've felt so utterly lost and I have no idea how to find myself; humans seem to have this natural urge to find themselves through external sources, such as religion or simply loved ones. It's particularly hard when you displace yourself to somewhere in which you have no one, so the loved ones part becomes difficult.
Although I am making friends, it's not the same as people who know me well enough to know what to say when I'm in certain moods.
I have wanted to find a synagogue, however, that is slightly scary because I've never even been in the states! I still want to though because even though I don't quite agree with organized religion, Judaism is the one which i most closely identify with.
The church yesterday was so peaceful and calming. I'm not sure if it was just because it was quiet in there or if it was some spiritual awakening that I had...I will have to explore this more while I am here.
So, after reading the meditation article, I gave it a try. I am going to try and do it daily to decompress and see if it starts to help. Tonight's session was kind of rough and I started crying as I sent positive energy toward my loved ones (however that may be a good thing, shedding tears can be quite a strong sense of emotion right?).
So for those who want to try, here is the script:
- Sit quietly and comfortably.
Sit in a comfortable way but without being in a sleepy position. For example, back straight, head up, feet on the floor and your arms gently in your lap. Breathing naturally. Watch your breath going in and your breath going out. Keep focusing on your breathing for a while.
- Place your attention on the area in the middle of your chest and around your heart.
Repeat to yourself gently and softly, feeling what these words mean:
"Love, love, love, may my heart be filled with love..."
As you say this, if you like, bring up an image of something that you feel caring and loving towards. It may be an image of a soft, lovable dog, or the serene look on someone's face, or it might be a baby, or the feeling of the soft fur as you stroke a kitten ...
- Experience this feeling of warmth and love through your whole body:
Feel the sense of caring, healing and soothing. Let it wash over you and through you while you gently repeat to yourself:
May I be well, healthy and strong
May I be happy
May I abide in peace
May I feel safe and secure
May I feel loved and cared for.
- Bring into your mind someone who is important to you, someone you like and respect.
Engulf them with this warmth and caring. See them happy and smiling:
May you be well
May you be happy
May you abide in peace
May you feel safe and secure
May you feel loved and cared for.
- Do this with someone else who is equally important, that you like and respect.
- Do this with someone you barely know.
- Do this with someone you got irritated/upset with today.
- Do this with someone who has hurt you/you are concerned about meeting in the future.
- Radiate the warmth and love to people around you
... to everyone in your suburb, in your city, in the nation, in the world: May we all be well, May we all be happy, May we all abide in peace, May we all feel safe and secure, May we all feel loved and cared for.
I think that this, coupled with forcing myself to stop thinking about everything I MISS at home will do me a lot of good. Once I stop thinking, "I miss X, I miss Y, I miss Z about Tucson" I need to smack myself and say, well that's great about Tucson but I am in Marseille and there are a million wonderful things here.
Positivity.
I'm fairly certain that stumbleupon is basing the pages it gives me on what I am typing into my blog, or it just eerily reads my mind. I just received two articles one how to be happy and how to meditate...hmmph.
They are actually both very awesome so I will share them with you all (and also post them for future reference).
The first one is called:
“He who depends on himself will attain the greatest happiness”
~Chinese Proverb
I was at a Women’s Leadership Conference about a year ago and had an “ah-ha moment”. We were all introducing ourselves and asked to share a few things to help with the process. One question left me baffled and ultimately changed my life; “What do you do to make yourself happy?”.
At the time I honestly didn’t know. I had a great job, friends, and family. I was independent, young, healthy, and yet I couldn’t figure out what made me happy. I vowed that day that I would be happy on purpose because I was tired of waiting for happiness to happen.
It’s not been an easy road, but it’s been the most fulfilling adventure I’ve ever been on and I feel that I should now share what I’ve learned with others.
1. Know Yourself
How many times have we heard “no one will love you until you learn to love yourself” or “nobody knows you the way you do”?
So get to know the right-now-real you, both the good and the bad, and own it. Write down your qualities, characteristics, values, strengths, and weaknesses. What makes you happy? What drives you crazy?
The good news is that if you don’t like certain aspects of yourself right now, you have it in your control to change that. But to change something you first have to know what you’re working with. So do some serious soul-searching and figure that out!
2. Discover who your idealized self is and start working towards that.
The question we all got asked when we were little was “what do you want to be when you grow up?” Now the question is “WHO do you want to be when you grow up?” You’ve taken a good hard look at who you are in this moment, and now is the time to figure out what’s next.
Think of the “ideal you” and start doing the things that your idealized self would be doing. There was an article on Pick The Brain a while back entitled “How To Fake It Until You Make It” in which the author, David Wright, suggests that we imagine the qualities that your idealized self has (the work it takes) and start putting them into practice.
It’s time to stop playing make-believe and to start taking action! Let’s DO this!!!
3. Be Authentic
Always be true to yourself. When working towards becoming your idealized self it’s important not to lose sight of who you are in favour of who you think you should be. Don’t compromise your values, morals, or true personality. Your individuality is important! Some people live their lives trying to be more like somebody else. My question to you is this: If you’re trying to be somebody else, who’s going to be you?
There may be certain things about yourself that you’d like to change or improve upon, but be absolutely sure that you make these adjustments for yourself and for your best interest. If you change anything in your life for the sake of someone else, and it’s not really what you want, you will only become resentful and unhappy.
To be truly authentic, one must rise above the crowd and be a true individual. Find your truth; a reason for which to live and die.
4. Understand that you can only control yourself.
As I started my journey to being happy on purpose, I realized very quickly how little in my life was within my control. I had no power over other people; others will do, think, and feel what they want and there’s little I can do to change or even influence that. I could only manipulate my environment and the things that happened to me to a certain degree.
I started to wonder if I could control anything in my life at all and I realized that I can only control myself. More specifically I had control over my attitude and my reactions to what the world throws at me.
For example, if you lose the life of a loved-one, you are going to have feelings of grief and even despair or anger. You need the grieving process as a human being and part of being authentic is being true to your emotions; otherwise you are in denial of what you truly feel and want. You can, however, choose the attitude of “moving on” or choose to dwell on it. You can choose to react by lashing out to those around you and hiding in your room with nothing but your grief and anger for company. OR you could choose to spend time with people who will make you feel better or immerse yourself in a project or work to keep your mind off things until you start to heal.
The idea that you have such little control over life might be scary for some, but you can also choose to look at it as freeing yourself from worry. If I have no control over something, there’s no point worrying about it because I can’t change it anyways. If I have control over it then I can take action, and again I no longer have to worry because something’s being done!
5. Achieve balance in all things.
The same can be said for striking a balance between your emotions and your logic. Are you being true to your emotions (giving them validation) or are you totally absorbed in them (giving them control)? Your logic and your emotions should work together to guide you in a balanced and healthy way of living.
6. Learn to let go.
Learn to let go of the things that are not within your control or that happened in the past. Instead embrace and work on your self-control and self-esteem. You will be more at peace with yourself and can then enjoy life despite what the world throws at you.
Ask yourself “How is this working for me?” Does it help you to feel sad or angry all the time? Is it productive and useful when you lash out when someone or something upsets you? Is it healthy to become obsessed about an issue, person, or event that you have no control over in the first place?
To let go is to fear less and love more. It means knowing that you can’t do it for someone else, that you have no control over another, and that the outcome is not in your hands. Letting go is making the most of yourself, not blaming another or trying to change them. It means caring about someone, not caring for them, and allowing another to make mistakes and be a human being. To let go is not to regret the past but to grow and live for the future.
7. Give your life meaning and actively seek your inspiration.
So many of us go around searching for the meaning of life or waiting for inspiration when really it’s within ourselves and up to us – no one will do this for you!
While at the Woman’s Leadership Conference I had the privilege of listening to our guest speaker, Canadian Olympic Gold Medalist, Clara Hughes. She shared with us that she suffers from Clinical Depression and that sometimes she gets so down in the dumps that she forces herself to ACTIVELY seek her inspirations. Clara stated that inspiration hardly ever just falls on your lap and that if you need it you have to go and find it for yourself.
Don’t look for the meaning of life; instead give your life meaning! One way that I did this for myself was by becoming a “mother” to something – I got a dog. His name is Charlie, and he’s been such a blessing for me. We’ve worked really hard on establishing a good relationship and I’ve learnt a lot being a “Pack Leader” for him. In doing what was good for Charlie (teaching him commands, working on his walking habits, regular grooming, giving him lots of love and work for him to do) I also became a better person. I learned to be more patient, how to be more assertive, and have become more active.
So go out there and find your meaning! Get inspired! Join a not-for-profit group, volunteer, get a pet, become a Big Sister or Brother, and go to some self-improvement or awareness workshops. Invest in yourself and you’ll soon reap the rewards of being content and feeling productive in your life.
8. Focus on the positive.
The expression “everything happens for a reason” annoys and upsets some people because it suggests that your path is predetermined and that The Fates or God is in charge of your life. The idea that a child dying of cancer, for example, is meant-to-be is frustrating and unfair; but the reality of it is that you have no control over your outside world. So I choose to think “in everything I have to find my own reason”. Instead of asking “why did this happen to me?” I ask myself “What positive thing can I find in this?” By focusing on the positive of any situation (and trust me if you look hard enough you’ll find it) I help keep myself positive and happy.
The good wouldn’t be as sweet without the bitterness of the bad. You go through the tough times to strengthen you for the excruciating ones to come. It’s in experiencing these tough times where you will truly be able to live with gratitude for what you have that is good.
9. Surround yourself with like-minded people.
So surround yourself, instead, with people in whose presence you feel optimistic, happy, and vibrant. If you can’t think of one person in your life that meets this standard it’s probably a good sign that you need to find new people!
I’ve had to “weed out” people who I thought were my friends – these were the people who always seem to be gossiping, talking about negative things, and focusing on the downside of every situation. I learned to be picky about the people I spend time with and limit the amount of time and energy I spend with those who tend to be toxic to my well-being. And no, it wasn’t fun or easy doing this, but it was worthwhile because they were just bringing me down.
Sit down and write out two lists for yourself – on one side write down the names of people who give you good energy and on the other side write down those who more often take your energy. Then try to steer clear of those who drain you and make an effort to spend more time with those who motivate you and are positive.
10. Keep going
I was watching Firefly (2002-2003 TV series) and there was a saying that a few soldiers shared that was an even better version (I think anyway) of the Martin Luther King Jr. quote: “When you can’t run, you crawl. And when you can’t crawl you find someone to carry you”.
Sometimes you can’t do it on your own. But you can’t just stop either. I went and talked to my doctor about my depression when it got so bad that nothing I did seemed to make a difference. I talked to my friends and family about it and found support and love when I did. I got the help I needed when I could no longer do it on my own and it’s made all the difference in the world.
I’m proud to announce that I am doing much better now. I know what makes me happy and I do it for myself. I am purposely happy every day, even when it’s rainy and cold and everything seems to be going wrong.
They are actually both very awesome so I will share them with you all (and also post them for future reference).
The first one is called:
10 Ways to Be Happy, On Purpose
“He who depends on himself will attain the greatest happiness”
~Chinese Proverb
I was at a Women’s Leadership Conference about a year ago and had an “ah-ha moment”. We were all introducing ourselves and asked to share a few things to help with the process. One question left me baffled and ultimately changed my life; “What do you do to make yourself happy?”.
At the time I honestly didn’t know. I had a great job, friends, and family. I was independent, young, healthy, and yet I couldn’t figure out what made me happy. I vowed that day that I would be happy on purpose because I was tired of waiting for happiness to happen.
It’s not been an easy road, but it’s been the most fulfilling adventure I’ve ever been on and I feel that I should now share what I’ve learned with others.
1. Know Yourself
“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is nobody else who is you-er than you.”
~Dr. Seuss
~Dr. Seuss
So get to know the right-now-real you, both the good and the bad, and own it. Write down your qualities, characteristics, values, strengths, and weaknesses. What makes you happy? What drives you crazy?
The good news is that if you don’t like certain aspects of yourself right now, you have it in your control to change that. But to change something you first have to know what you’re working with. So do some serious soul-searching and figure that out!
2. Discover who your idealized self is and start working towards that.
“Open your eyes and look within. Are you satisfied with the life you’re living?”
~Bob Marley
~Bob Marley
Think of the “ideal you” and start doing the things that your idealized self would be doing. There was an article on Pick The Brain a while back entitled “How To Fake It Until You Make It” in which the author, David Wright, suggests that we imagine the qualities that your idealized self has (the work it takes) and start putting them into practice.
It’s time to stop playing make-believe and to start taking action! Let’s DO this!!!
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”
~Dr. Seuss
~Dr. Seuss
“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”
~Bruce Lee
~Bruce Lee
There may be certain things about yourself that you’d like to change or improve upon, but be absolutely sure that you make these adjustments for yourself and for your best interest. If you change anything in your life for the sake of someone else, and it’s not really what you want, you will only become resentful and unhappy.
To be truly authentic, one must rise above the crowd and be a true individual. Find your truth; a reason for which to live and die.
“Few are those who can see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts”
~Albert Einstein
~Albert Einstein
“When there are no enemies within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you”
~African Proverb
~African Proverb
I started to wonder if I could control anything in my life at all and I realized that I can only control myself. More specifically I had control over my attitude and my reactions to what the world throws at me.
For example, if you lose the life of a loved-one, you are going to have feelings of grief and even despair or anger. You need the grieving process as a human being and part of being authentic is being true to your emotions; otherwise you are in denial of what you truly feel and want. You can, however, choose the attitude of “moving on” or choose to dwell on it. You can choose to react by lashing out to those around you and hiding in your room with nothing but your grief and anger for company. OR you could choose to spend time with people who will make you feel better or immerse yourself in a project or work to keep your mind off things until you start to heal.
The idea that you have such little control over life might be scary for some, but you can also choose to look at it as freeing yourself from worry. If I have no control over something, there’s no point worrying about it because I can’t change it anyways. If I have control over it then I can take action, and again I no longer have to worry because something’s being done!
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”
~Maya Angelou
~Maya Angelou
5. Achieve balance in all things.
“Before Enlightenment – chop wood, carry water. After Enlightenment – chop wood, carry water.”
~ Zen Buddhist Proverb
There is a Yin and Yang; everything has its opposite, and the key is harmony between them. For example you must strike a balance between selfishness and selflessness. Chose either extreme you will quickly find yourself unhappy. If you always give to others you end up being useless to everyone because no one will take care of you for you, and a person who never gives to anyone will live a lonely and unfulfilling life.~ Zen Buddhist Proverb
The same can be said for striking a balance between your emotions and your logic. Are you being true to your emotions (giving them validation) or are you totally absorbed in them (giving them control)? Your logic and your emotions should work together to guide you in a balanced and healthy way of living.
6. Learn to let go.
Learn to let go of the things that are not within your control or that happened in the past. Instead embrace and work on your self-control and self-esteem. You will be more at peace with yourself and can then enjoy life despite what the world throws at you.
Ask yourself “How is this working for me?” Does it help you to feel sad or angry all the time? Is it productive and useful when you lash out when someone or something upsets you? Is it healthy to become obsessed about an issue, person, or event that you have no control over in the first place?
To let go is to fear less and love more. It means knowing that you can’t do it for someone else, that you have no control over another, and that the outcome is not in your hands. Letting go is making the most of yourself, not blaming another or trying to change them. It means caring about someone, not caring for them, and allowing another to make mistakes and be a human being. To let go is not to regret the past but to grow and live for the future.
“If things start happening, don’t worry, don’t stew; just go right along and you’ll start happening too.”
~Dr. Seuss
~Dr. Seuss
“Love the life you live. Live the life you love.”
~Bob Marley
~Bob Marley
While at the Woman’s Leadership Conference I had the privilege of listening to our guest speaker, Canadian Olympic Gold Medalist, Clara Hughes. She shared with us that she suffers from Clinical Depression and that sometimes she gets so down in the dumps that she forces herself to ACTIVELY seek her inspirations. Clara stated that inspiration hardly ever just falls on your lap and that if you need it you have to go and find it for yourself.
Don’t look for the meaning of life; instead give your life meaning! One way that I did this for myself was by becoming a “mother” to something – I got a dog. His name is Charlie, and he’s been such a blessing for me. We’ve worked really hard on establishing a good relationship and I’ve learnt a lot being a “Pack Leader” for him. In doing what was good for Charlie (teaching him commands, working on his walking habits, regular grooming, giving him lots of love and work for him to do) I also became a better person. I learned to be more patient, how to be more assertive, and have become more active.
So go out there and find your meaning! Get inspired! Join a not-for-profit group, volunteer, get a pet, become a Big Sister or Brother, and go to some self-improvement or awareness workshops. Invest in yourself and you’ll soon reap the rewards of being content and feeling productive in your life.
8. Focus on the positive.
“There are two ways to live; you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle”
~Albert Einstein
~Albert Einstein
The good wouldn’t be as sweet without the bitterness of the bad. You go through the tough times to strengthen you for the excruciating ones to come. It’s in experiencing these tough times where you will truly be able to live with gratitude for what you have that is good.
“Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.”
~Bob Marley
~Bob Marley
“A man should choose a friend who is better than himself. There are plenty of acquaintances in the world; but very few real friends”
~Chinese Proverb
Change is never easy. It’s even more difficult if the people you choose to spend time with aren’t the “right people”. Just ask someone who’s had to kick a bad habit (smoking, drinking, drugs, junk food, etc.) what it’s like being around people who haven’t quit or cut back yet. It’s easy to fall back into your old habits because they come with a certain comfort. It’s the same when you’re trying to be positive and happy and surrounding yourself with people who are negative and miserable. Misery loves company right?~Chinese Proverb
So surround yourself, instead, with people in whose presence you feel optimistic, happy, and vibrant. If you can’t think of one person in your life that meets this standard it’s probably a good sign that you need to find new people!
I’ve had to “weed out” people who I thought were my friends – these were the people who always seem to be gossiping, talking about negative things, and focusing on the downside of every situation. I learned to be picky about the people I spend time with and limit the amount of time and energy I spend with those who tend to be toxic to my well-being. And no, it wasn’t fun or easy doing this, but it was worthwhile because they were just bringing me down.
Sit down and write out two lists for yourself – on one side write down the names of people who give you good energy and on the other side write down those who more often take your energy. Then try to steer clear of those who drain you and make an effort to spend more time with those who motivate you and are positive.
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter won’t mind.”
~Dr. Seuss
~Dr. Seuss
“If you can’t fly, then run, if you can’t run, then walk, if you can’t walk, then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
~ Martin Luther King Jr.
~ Martin Luther King Jr.
Sometimes you can’t do it on your own. But you can’t just stop either. I went and talked to my doctor about my depression when it got so bad that nothing I did seemed to make a difference. I talked to my friends and family about it and found support and love when I did. I got the help I needed when I could no longer do it on my own and it’s made all the difference in the world.
I’m proud to announce that I am doing much better now. I know what makes me happy and I do it for myself. I am purposely happy every day, even when it’s rainy and cold and everything seems to be going wrong.
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving”
~Albert Einstein
Source
~Albert Einstein
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Honeymoon Phase
This weekend has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for me. Ever since my last entry I got a burst of homesickness and I was so depressed and negative.
Friday night we went to see a friend of one assistant's roommate play a show. It was really good actually, he played a lot of covers and some originals. However, all the songs were basically about being ridiculously happy and in love, mixed in with a song about being homesick. THANKS. I left feeling pretty depressed and lonely.
We hung out with some other assistants by the port (Friday tradition). Then when I came home, as I was climbing up my stairs to bed I took fell off the third or fourth step HARD and hurt my right arm, right leg a bit, and I have completely messed up my left knee which has been causing me problems for the last 6 months.
This incident, in general, sucks when you live in a town where you basically have to walk everywhere. Now let's couple that with the fact that I am a salsa dancing addict and this is not good whatsoever.
Saturday I was super depressed because I felt like crap and was in serious pain and all I wanted was my mom to come take care of me. I also received a few letters from home on Saturday. I felt like I was on survivor or big brother and I just won a contest and got to hear from home. I started bawling when I read the letters and I don't even know why because I have been able to text, skype, or call my mom everyday since I've been here so it's not like I've been out of contact!
So Saturday night there was a salsa party that one of my friends invited me to. I was considering texting him and telling him I couldn't go because of my injury but I decided I needed to go. I went over to his place for dinner where I watched him and his friend transform from vampire to pirate. The pirate friend was practically having a breakdown because his costume wasn't scary enough when I tried to explain that in the US your costume doesn't have to be scary, but he didn't get it.
I spoke so much french and was able to, for the second time this week, hold a complete conversation in french. It feels pretty good, and as we left for salsa I was already starting to cheer up.
I didn't dance very much because of my knee. I danced with the group that I came with which, honestly was fine. I had some great dances, and when I wasn't dancing I was watching other good dancers to try and get tips (it helped and it helped me appreciate cuban style salsa a lot more). I had a blast and I am really hoping that my leg heals quickly so I am able to go out by Tuesday or Thursday. It seriously cheered me up so much.
This morning I woke up to realize that daylight savings time had ended. For the first time in my life I have gotten to experience changing my clocks/having my clocks change and let me say I was completely tripped out this morning. I wasn't exactly sure what time it was and how much sleep I really got, but I am excited either way
I talked to another assistant who lives in my flat and we decided to meet up for some coffee and some exploring. It was nice to debrief on our evenings and just relax. After we had our coffee we decided to wander around the port a bit. There's a weekly market there on Sundays and I saw so many things that I want to buy for family back home and I am SO excited about it.
We stumbled upon Cathédrale Sainte-Marie-Majeure de Marseille. A byzantine cathedral tucked away into the 2eme arrondissemnt just off the port. The cathedral honestly wasn't anything that special, however that being said it was still one of the most gorgeous things I've seen in Marseille and it reminded me why I wanted to come to France. I am not catholic at all, however, being in the church I had a truly spiritual moment. I just felt completely at peace, it was so quiet and pleasant, it's crazy to think we were less than 10 minutes from the bustling city center and yet so far removed. I definitely plan on going back there when I'm feeling down.
Friday night we went to see a friend of one assistant's roommate play a show. It was really good actually, he played a lot of covers and some originals. However, all the songs were basically about being ridiculously happy and in love, mixed in with a song about being homesick. THANKS. I left feeling pretty depressed and lonely.
We hung out with some other assistants by the port (Friday tradition). Then when I came home, as I was climbing up my stairs to bed I took fell off the third or fourth step HARD and hurt my right arm, right leg a bit, and I have completely messed up my left knee which has been causing me problems for the last 6 months.
This incident, in general, sucks when you live in a town where you basically have to walk everywhere. Now let's couple that with the fact that I am a salsa dancing addict and this is not good whatsoever.
Saturday I was super depressed because I felt like crap and was in serious pain and all I wanted was my mom to come take care of me. I also received a few letters from home on Saturday. I felt like I was on survivor or big brother and I just won a contest and got to hear from home. I started bawling when I read the letters and I don't even know why because I have been able to text, skype, or call my mom everyday since I've been here so it's not like I've been out of contact!
So Saturday night there was a salsa party that one of my friends invited me to. I was considering texting him and telling him I couldn't go because of my injury but I decided I needed to go. I went over to his place for dinner where I watched him and his friend transform from vampire to pirate. The pirate friend was practically having a breakdown because his costume wasn't scary enough when I tried to explain that in the US your costume doesn't have to be scary, but he didn't get it.
I spoke so much french and was able to, for the second time this week, hold a complete conversation in french. It feels pretty good, and as we left for salsa I was already starting to cheer up.
I didn't dance very much because of my knee. I danced with the group that I came with which, honestly was fine. I had some great dances, and when I wasn't dancing I was watching other good dancers to try and get tips (it helped and it helped me appreciate cuban style salsa a lot more). I had a blast and I am really hoping that my leg heals quickly so I am able to go out by Tuesday or Thursday. It seriously cheered me up so much.
This morning I woke up to realize that daylight savings time had ended. For the first time in my life I have gotten to experience changing my clocks/having my clocks change and let me say I was completely tripped out this morning. I wasn't exactly sure what time it was and how much sleep I really got, but I am excited either way
I talked to another assistant who lives in my flat and we decided to meet up for some coffee and some exploring. It was nice to debrief on our evenings and just relax. After we had our coffee we decided to wander around the port a bit. There's a weekly market there on Sundays and I saw so many things that I want to buy for family back home and I am SO excited about it.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
One Month down
So I have officially been in Marseille for one month! I'm kind of in shock about that. This is officially the longest time I've been away from Tucson since I have lived there.
I feel like I have grown up SO much when I think back to my first few days here and that seems so long ago. It's weird to think about how much I've learned in such a short.
I am doing A LOT better. I still feel homesick everyday but it's getting to be more bearable and and I'm starting to find things I enjoy here. I read an article about how, in order to train yourself to do new things and break bad habits you need to do things that make you uncomfortable and I feel like everything I do here borders making me uncomfortable so I think that is doing me some good.
Last night I dragged 3 other assistants along to a couchsurfing meetup (honestly mostly because I was nervous about going by myself since the only other CS stuff i've done I've had my partner in crime, Victoria...sorry guys you were just pawns for me :p) HOWEVER, they LOVED it and that makes me so happy! It was such a fun meet up and we met great people. We are all going next week and I am SO excited to get more involved in CS while I am here. It definitely gives me more "purpose" being here of sorts.
I'm also looking into going into a graduate program in French when I return home. More to come on this soon after more research.... I will be posting a blog entry on this with pros/cons/etc.
I think that's all I got right now!
I feel like I have grown up SO much when I think back to my first few days here and that seems so long ago. It's weird to think about how much I've learned in such a short.
I am doing A LOT better. I still feel homesick everyday but it's getting to be more bearable and and I'm starting to find things I enjoy here. I read an article about how, in order to train yourself to do new things and break bad habits you need to do things that make you uncomfortable and I feel like everything I do here borders making me uncomfortable so I think that is doing me some good.
Last night I dragged 3 other assistants along to a couchsurfing meetup (honestly mostly because I was nervous about going by myself since the only other CS stuff i've done I've had my partner in crime, Victoria...sorry guys you were just pawns for me :p) HOWEVER, they LOVED it and that makes me so happy! It was such a fun meet up and we met great people. We are all going next week and I am SO excited to get more involved in CS while I am here. It definitely gives me more "purpose" being here of sorts.
I'm also looking into going into a graduate program in French when I return home. More to come on this soon after more research.... I will be posting a blog entry on this with pros/cons/etc.
I think that's all I got right now!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Field Notes: French Toast
So seeing as I haven't been paid yet and I am running low on funds I will not be going to the grocery store until next week unless things get completely dire. This will either prove to be a very creative experience or a boring one.
I attempted my French Toast this morning:
- 1 Egg
- 1 tsp sugar
- dash of salt
- 1/4 cup milk
It wasn't horrible, I should have soaked the bread a little bit longer in the egg mixture, I also need some vanilla extract and maybe brown sugar I will have to see how expensive it is here so I may have to make-do without. They also were lacking syrup, however that's not a must because I added some jam and nutella (nutella will definitely be my downfall here) and they tasted fine.
I bought some middle eastern cinnamon, which is kind of weird. I'm not sure if it's just different or if it's more for spices so I tried a little of it on a piece of the french toast and it wasnt bad. I might play around with that a bit more.
I also tried to mix some nutella in half of the batter but that failed ahaha further experimentation for that to follow as well!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Scrambled Omelettes
This morning I (attempted) to cook an omelette. However, I have NEVER been able to successfully make an omelette. I'm not exactly sure why but by the end they always end up as scrambled eggs. Therefore, another France cooking goal I have is to make a perfect omelette, even if it is merely omelette au fromage.
Today was spent with a bit of (unsuccessful) winter shopping. I realized I just don't like winter clothes. I am destined to live in a desert for the rest of my life because I just don't like anything associated with cold.
Afterward, we went to the contemporary art museum. It was an artist's private collection, which I will update more on later, including pictures! I plan to go back, they have a Basquiat painting BUT it was down today, dommage.
According to a guide, there are 11 museums in Marseille and I plan to check them all out! I also am dying to take a trip to Arles to check out the Picasso and Van Gogh collections. Once I get my first paycheck and I'm able to see how life based on that. hopefully I will be able to budget in some day trips. I want to make a trip to Eze, a small town between Nice and Monaco that I visited in 2009, so that I can buy more of this perfume that I love.
My laptop charger is officially dead. Which is super frustrating. I am very fortunate that my lovely neighbor (and fellow assistant), Barbara, has a Mac as well, so until my charger from amazon arrives OR my warrantied charger from the Apple store comes in (yes, I indeed have two separate chargers on their way to me... such is my life), I can borrow hers. I'm hoping the one comes in the mail tomorrow and life will be so much easier.
As far as the cooking project goes, I've decided tomorrow I will take a stab at some French toast. I bought a baguette yesterday AND a loaf of bread (why I cannot figure out...) and I need to get rid of the baguette because they don't last more than a day or two. I have it cut up and sitting out to dry. HOPEFULLY I have all the ingredients for it!!!
I am gradually coming to terms with my carb-laden diet and maybe I will be able to accept an expanding waistline. Hopefully, the walking I am doing will compensate for all the bad and I will at least remain the same size.
Today was spent with a bit of (unsuccessful) winter shopping. I realized I just don't like winter clothes. I am destined to live in a desert for the rest of my life because I just don't like anything associated with cold.
Afterward, we went to the contemporary art museum. It was an artist's private collection, which I will update more on later, including pictures! I plan to go back, they have a Basquiat painting BUT it was down today, dommage.
According to a guide, there are 11 museums in Marseille and I plan to check them all out! I also am dying to take a trip to Arles to check out the Picasso and Van Gogh collections. Once I get my first paycheck and I'm able to see how life based on that. hopefully I will be able to budget in some day trips. I want to make a trip to Eze, a small town between Nice and Monaco that I visited in 2009, so that I can buy more of this perfume that I love.
My laptop charger is officially dead. Which is super frustrating. I am very fortunate that my lovely neighbor (and fellow assistant), Barbara, has a Mac as well, so until my charger from amazon arrives OR my warrantied charger from the Apple store comes in (yes, I indeed have two separate chargers on their way to me... such is my life), I can borrow hers. I'm hoping the one comes in the mail tomorrow and life will be so much easier.
As far as the cooking project goes, I've decided tomorrow I will take a stab at some French toast. I bought a baguette yesterday AND a loaf of bread (why I cannot figure out...) and I need to get rid of the baguette because they don't last more than a day or two. I have it cut up and sitting out to dry. HOPEFULLY I have all the ingredients for it!!!
I am gradually coming to terms with my carb-laden diet and maybe I will be able to accept an expanding waistline. Hopefully, the walking I am doing will compensate for all the bad and I will at least remain the same size.
Culture Shock Take 2.
Here is a video I found on culture shock. It's pretty similar to the article I posted a couple weeks ago, but I love the way this guy articulates what he's saying. I feel like he is reading entries from my personal journal.
It makes me feel better to know that everything I am feeling is normal. When I knew I was leaving, I figured I'd be homesick, and miss my family and have a hard time adjusting to taking care of myself. I, however, never accounted for this phenomenon of culture shock. I mean, I've visited France before and I loved it! I visited the exact area I am in before...and I LOVED it.
So of course, living here would be a DREAM. I'd speak french and sip espresso, I'd go to open air markets and dress in chic winter clothes and roam the streets like a dignified French woman. I'd have my adorable french apartment with awesome french roommates who would be my instant best friends. I would go salsa dancing nightly and dance with the best of the best and come back to Tucson being the best dancer ever.
When I got here and realized that everything I expected was NOT as it was, well I kind of lost it. Not to mention that the fact that I was leaving all my friends, all my family, all these amazing relationships I had cultivated in Tucson. The realization of leaving didn't hit me until a week before I left and I was a wreck from that my entire way here, so that coupled with how much Marseille was NOT the French dream I built up in my brain, and this idea of culture shock...well it was too much to handle.
I really am doing a lot better, and watching this video, and realizing that it's normal to still feel homesick and still wake up and just want to lay in bed all day, cry, and then pack up my bags and board the first plane home, is actually very comforting.
It makes me feel better to know that everything I am feeling is normal. When I knew I was leaving, I figured I'd be homesick, and miss my family and have a hard time adjusting to taking care of myself. I, however, never accounted for this phenomenon of culture shock. I mean, I've visited France before and I loved it! I visited the exact area I am in before...and I LOVED it.
So of course, living here would be a DREAM. I'd speak french and sip espresso, I'd go to open air markets and dress in chic winter clothes and roam the streets like a dignified French woman. I'd have my adorable french apartment with awesome french roommates who would be my instant best friends. I would go salsa dancing nightly and dance with the best of the best and come back to Tucson being the best dancer ever.
When I got here and realized that everything I expected was NOT as it was, well I kind of lost it. Not to mention that the fact that I was leaving all my friends, all my family, all these amazing relationships I had cultivated in Tucson. The realization of leaving didn't hit me until a week before I left and I was a wreck from that my entire way here, so that coupled with how much Marseille was NOT the French dream I built up in my brain, and this idea of culture shock...well it was too much to handle.
I really am doing a lot better, and watching this video, and realizing that it's normal to still feel homesick and still wake up and just want to lay in bed all day, cry, and then pack up my bags and board the first plane home, is actually very comforting.
Monday, October 24, 2011
A bit of focus
So I'm in a weird place. I've reached this strange stage where I am still homesick and want to go home but I WANT to be able to enjoy it here. I'm going to try really hard to be more positive. If I focus on the good things, then the bad won't seem as bad, right?
So I need some goals. I've kind of mentally set some goals for myself but I think it will be good if I use this blog to focus on those things some more.
Goal 1: Spend less time attached to cellphone
This is a picture that was taken shortly before I left for France. Basically I have been GLUED to my phone since I've had one. I intended to get a data plan for my cell phone but I feel like I don't need to be spending the money to be connected to facebook 24/7. Also, I really don't want to risk my phone getting stolen so if I'm going out and I'm not meeting someone somewhere I leave it at home. My goal is to not let my phone be my tether when I go back to the states.
I'm having a lot of fun of learning how to cook for myself and trying new recipes. There's a great market right down the street from me that has fruits and veggies for CHEAP. I need to reduce my carb/sugar intake for sure. I've been eating a bit too indulgently since I've been settled and I need to settle because I definitely would like to benefit from all this extra walking and lose a few lbs/get into better shape.
Thus far my three favorite meals I have made are: Crepes with nutella (mmmmmm), Couscous with curry and tons of vegitables (Never knew I loved couscous so much...I will definitely be playing around with that more often), and tonight I made a breaded turkey breast fillet which I used some crumbled cereal with the flour to coat it....YUM (this one again will be using some tweaking so that it has a more personal touch).
Some basic recipes I have used so far are: (Keep in mind I have no measuring cups or utensils so I am literally using a cup which I assume is 8oz and my "table" and "Tea" spoons....it's worked out so far though so I can't complain too much!
Crepes
I think they need a bit of sugar in them, just for flavor. also I bought some "oriental" (which here refers to middle east and is somewhat confusing to me even though it shouldn't be haha) cinnamon so I'm going to try and add some of that in it.
I tried making them this morning with oil instead of butter in order for them to be somewhat healthier, but that did NOT work. The crepes took forever to cook and were greasy and not flimsy, they also didn't have very much flavor!
Couscous with Curry
For that I used:
Tonight's turkey I soaked it in some egg then, for the coating I mixed flour, corn flakes, and salt and pepper. The turkey was SO juicy and succulent. I tried to do some lemon garlic butter pasta on the side but i added WAY too much lemon!
From here on out I will be photographing and detailing my cooking adventures here as well as my daily life adjusting to France!
I need to figure out some desserts that I can make stove top...or see if I can b.s. some sort of baked goods because I MISS making cakes and cookies.
So I need some goals. I've kind of mentally set some goals for myself but I think it will be good if I use this blog to focus on those things some more.
Goal 1: Spend less time attached to cellphone
This is a picture that was taken shortly before I left for France. Basically I have been GLUED to my phone since I've had one. I intended to get a data plan for my cell phone but I feel like I don't need to be spending the money to be connected to facebook 24/7. Also, I really don't want to risk my phone getting stolen so if I'm going out and I'm not meeting someone somewhere I leave it at home. My goal is to not let my phone be my tether when I go back to the states. Goal 2: Learn to Cook
I'm having a lot of fun of learning how to cook for myself and trying new recipes. There's a great market right down the street from me that has fruits and veggies for CHEAP. I need to reduce my carb/sugar intake for sure. I've been eating a bit too indulgently since I've been settled and I need to settle because I definitely would like to benefit from all this extra walking and lose a few lbs/get into better shape. I also want to expand my recipe database. I am definitely my mother's daughter and I love kitchen supplies/cooking stuff so this should be fun. I currently have a lot of...random...food. And I am broke. So, until my supply of randomness is depleted I will be focusing on cooking with said ingredients.
The above is my first attempt at crepes. They turned out decent enough, but since I am in france and I am big on making my own personal recipes, I feel the need to tweak it until it is the best I can find. I've decided that some of my posts will take a Julie/Julia approach and I will discuss my adventures in cooking.Thus far my three favorite meals I have made are: Crepes with nutella (mmmmmm), Couscous with curry and tons of vegitables (Never knew I loved couscous so much...I will definitely be playing around with that more often), and tonight I made a breaded turkey breast fillet which I used some crumbled cereal with the flour to coat it....YUM (this one again will be using some tweaking so that it has a more personal touch).
Some basic recipes I have used so far are: (Keep in mind I have no measuring cups or utensils so I am literally using a cup which I assume is 8oz and my "table" and "Tea" spoons....it's worked out so far though so I can't complain too much!
Crepes
- (just over) 1/4 cup of all-purpose flour
- 1/2 tbsp of melted butter
- 3/4 cups of skim milk
- 1 egg
- dash of salt
I think they need a bit of sugar in them, just for flavor. also I bought some "oriental" (which here refers to middle east and is somewhat confusing to me even though it shouldn't be haha) cinnamon so I'm going to try and add some of that in it.
I tried making them this morning with oil instead of butter in order for them to be somewhat healthier, but that did NOT work. The crepes took forever to cook and were greasy and not flimsy, they also didn't have very much flavor!
Couscous with Curry
- 3/4 cup couscous
- 1 1/2 cups water
- dash of salt
- 2 teaspoons-ish (to taste) of curry powder
For that I used:
- Zucchini
- Some form of chile pepper I got at the market
- Carrots
- Onions
- Garlic
Tonight's turkey I soaked it in some egg then, for the coating I mixed flour, corn flakes, and salt and pepper. The turkey was SO juicy and succulent. I tried to do some lemon garlic butter pasta on the side but i added WAY too much lemon!
From here on out I will be photographing and detailing my cooking adventures here as well as my daily life adjusting to France!
I need to figure out some desserts that I can make stove top...or see if I can b.s. some sort of baked goods because I MISS making cakes and cookies.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Every week gets a bit easier
So I'm doing better. This week was a lot better than previous weeks. I realized I have to get out of the house early or I get super bummed out quick. Refreshing facebook for hours at a time when everyone back home is asleep and everyone in France is busy is NOT productive.
I've been to Ikea 3 times this week...and I can't say that I am against that.
I need to sleep more, I am not a morning person and I need to start going to bed at a reasonable enough hour that I'm not so groggy. Teaching and being mentally out of it is NOT a good combination.
I had a TERRIBLE class on Wednesday. The kids just STARED at me and didn't understand anything I said nor did they want to. I started with working on the document their teacher gave them....which they did not respond to so I was like OOOK how about...we do halloween?....*me going on my halloween lesson schpeel*...silence...stereotypes? music? movies? speak to me in french and i will translate...SOMETHING! UGH. Horrible.
My favorite class is the 21-24 year old boys. They were the most responsive and excited to be there. Granted all they do is sit there and make flirtatious comments to me....BUT at least they speak english and are attentive to me so I don't feel like I'm just wasting time. The door broke while we were in class and we got locked in and they freaked out. It was hilarious and chaotic.
Today was cool because I got to watch this arabic band play for an English class. It was really amazing and I'm glad I was there for it!
I also went to a tango lesson tonight, that was of course completely in French...and I understood most of what was going on...HOLLA. Some of the guys tried to explain things to me but I had NO idea what they were saying. One guy was super annoying because he was getting mad I was having trouble with following everything. UM ok buddy, this is my third time doing tango, the first two were crappy lessons...and this lesson is in a langauge i don't get...I'm gonna say I did pretty damn well so GET OVER IT.
Afterward I checked out some Puerto Rican salsa. I went with a fellow assistant who also went to tango and he is a ballroom dancer so he was a great lead and I kind of danced with him most, which I don't mind because...like I said he was a good lead so I had good dances. I danced with this REALLY good dancer and had such a hard time following, but it wasn't the worst dance I've ever had. Then I danced with a few beginners, which I didn't mind. I feel pretty good about dancing. Puerto Rican is definitely my style. I am NOT a cuban dancer, rueda is one thing but I need musicality and breaks and style.
All in all I think the culture shock is beginning to wear off, and I'm able to accept the fact that I'm here to stay a bit better. I found an awesome open air market and got great veggies for cheap so THAT was added to my list of "things you dont find in Tucson".
However it was very cold today and I'm not sure I'm goign to handle this winter well at all...
My blog needs more pictures because I know reading and reading is BORING. So I will try and include at least one in every post from here on out (and I updated some old ones with appropriate images)
I leave you today with an image from our mall shopping adventure....
I've been to Ikea 3 times this week...and I can't say that I am against that.
I need to sleep more, I am not a morning person and I need to start going to bed at a reasonable enough hour that I'm not so groggy. Teaching and being mentally out of it is NOT a good combination.
I had a TERRIBLE class on Wednesday. The kids just STARED at me and didn't understand anything I said nor did they want to. I started with working on the document their teacher gave them....which they did not respond to so I was like OOOK how about...we do halloween?....*me going on my halloween lesson schpeel*...silence...stereotypes? music? movies? speak to me in french and i will translate...SOMETHING! UGH. Horrible.
My favorite class is the 21-24 year old boys. They were the most responsive and excited to be there. Granted all they do is sit there and make flirtatious comments to me....BUT at least they speak english and are attentive to me so I don't feel like I'm just wasting time. The door broke while we were in class and we got locked in and they freaked out. It was hilarious and chaotic.
Today was cool because I got to watch this arabic band play for an English class. It was really amazing and I'm glad I was there for it!
I also went to a tango lesson tonight, that was of course completely in French...and I understood most of what was going on...HOLLA. Some of the guys tried to explain things to me but I had NO idea what they were saying. One guy was super annoying because he was getting mad I was having trouble with following everything. UM ok buddy, this is my third time doing tango, the first two were crappy lessons...and this lesson is in a langauge i don't get...I'm gonna say I did pretty damn well so GET OVER IT.
Afterward I checked out some Puerto Rican salsa. I went with a fellow assistant who also went to tango and he is a ballroom dancer so he was a great lead and I kind of danced with him most, which I don't mind because...like I said he was a good lead so I had good dances. I danced with this REALLY good dancer and had such a hard time following, but it wasn't the worst dance I've ever had. Then I danced with a few beginners, which I didn't mind. I feel pretty good about dancing. Puerto Rican is definitely my style. I am NOT a cuban dancer, rueda is one thing but I need musicality and breaks and style.
All in all I think the culture shock is beginning to wear off, and I'm able to accept the fact that I'm here to stay a bit better. I found an awesome open air market and got great veggies for cheap so THAT was added to my list of "things you dont find in Tucson".
However it was very cold today and I'm not sure I'm goign to handle this winter well at all...
My blog needs more pictures because I know reading and reading is BORING. So I will try and include at least one in every post from here on out (and I updated some old ones with appropriate images)
I leave you today with an image from our mall shopping adventure....
Monday, October 17, 2011
Missing Suburbia
So I think part of the reason I'm having problems adjusting to Marseille is, frankly, I am made for suburbia. I went to Ikea twice this week and it is in a more suburban area, where there are houses, and shopping malls, and tons of wide open space.
I never thought living downtown would be so displeasing for me!
Being around all these huge, old, buildings is fantastic and all.
However, it's SO dirty. I miss my HOUSE. I miss my CAR. I miss Target, I miss the malls. I miss the desert and the mountains. Part of me wishes I lived closer to my school because that is a more suburban area. However, in reality, suburbia is only great when you have a car. I would have NO social life if I lived up there and I keep trying to remind myself of that.
I don't know what Paris had that Marseille doesn't. Maybe the fact that I wasn't there completely alone...or maybe something else. I want Marseille to give me butterflies the way I get when I see art, or images from Paris.
There IS a contemporary art museum here so I would like to go there maybe this weekend. I would like to go to Paris and see if it still has the charm that I thought it had two years ago.
I don't know. I need to find my niche in this city because I do NOT like it and I do not want to spend the next 6 months so miserable.
I never thought living downtown would be so displeasing for me!
Being around all these huge, old, buildings is fantastic and all.
I don't know what Paris had that Marseille doesn't. Maybe the fact that I wasn't there completely alone...or maybe something else. I want Marseille to give me butterflies the way I get when I see art, or images from Paris.
There IS a contemporary art museum here so I would like to go there maybe this weekend. I would like to go to Paris and see if it still has the charm that I thought it had two years ago.
I don't know. I need to find my niche in this city because I do NOT like it and I do not want to spend the next 6 months so miserable.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
I don't wanna grow up...
My google searches this week consist of:
Saturday, I woke up early to go meet with some other assistants to watch the Rugby match between Wales and France. France won so next week will be more watching at 10 am! Hell yes. Afterward, we went to Ikea. I thought it would help me feel less homesick but it just made me miss my mom and Beth because I usually go with my mom, and I also was reminding of this trip that Beth, my mom, and myself took up there a few years ago.
I did, however, get an awesome set of drawers, which is great because I now feel like all my stuff isn't just cluttered in a closet!! ALSO I assembled it...all by myself. I had to buy a 7euro hammer (WTF?!?!) that I will probably never use again.
I'm working on lesson plans right now, hopefully my first week of teaching goes smoothly! Wish me luck!!
On a non-grown up level. I went salsa dancing on Thursday! It was SO different from what I'm used to. It was a cuban salsa night, so I was comfortable (for the most part) with many of the moves because of Rueda but it was weird doing those moves couples style. I danced with some really good dancers and they were terrible, but I was ok with it because I know it's because I'm not used to the style. I also had some REALLY good dances so that helped too. I'm going to try a Puerto Rican night and see how that feels.
- Recipes with xyz ingredients
- How to plan a budget
- How to handwash clothes
- Assembling a set of drawers from Ikea
- Mopping an apartment
- Writing lesson plans
Saturday, I woke up early to go meet with some other assistants to watch the Rugby match between Wales and France. France won so next week will be more watching at 10 am! Hell yes. Afterward, we went to Ikea. I thought it would help me feel less homesick but it just made me miss my mom and Beth because I usually go with my mom, and I also was reminding of this trip that Beth, my mom, and myself took up there a few years ago.
I did, however, get an awesome set of drawers, which is great because I now feel like all my stuff isn't just cluttered in a closet!! ALSO I assembled it...all by myself. I had to buy a 7euro hammer (WTF?!?!) that I will probably never use again.
On a non-grown up level. I went salsa dancing on Thursday! It was SO different from what I'm used to. It was a cuban salsa night, so I was comfortable (for the most part) with many of the moves because of Rueda but it was weird doing those moves couples style. I danced with some really good dancers and they were terrible, but I was ok with it because I know it's because I'm not used to the style. I also had some REALLY good dances so that helped too. I'm going to try a Puerto Rican night and see how that feels.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Day 3 of grown up
So I did this program in order to DELAY growing up but all the sudden, I am realizing I have been thrust into adulthood more quickly than I ever imagined.
I'm on my third day of living completely on my own and it's weird. I'm cooking for myself, which is nice but I think it's gonna get real old, real fast. I've been to the grocery store every single day because I keep forgetting crap. But I think I finally have the essentials so I can start going every few days for stuff for dinner. I think I'm going to be eating tons of pasta!!!
Here's some of my concoctions:
It's weird having to buy house stuff and I'm not realizing all the crap I need until I'm in the middle of needing it. My current list includes:
Today was my second day teaching and it did NOT go as smoothly as the first. I am glad Wednesdays are short because I don't think I will like them. One girl got kicked out of class for being belligerent, I think because she couldn't understand me but I couldn't exactly figure out what was going on. All I know is she stormed out and slammed the door and the girls in front of me were being adorable and giving me the "I don't know what's going on either!!!" eyes.
The second class was REALLY interested in what I had to say...however their level of English is LOW. It's gonna be soooo hard to teach these lower-leveled kids and I hope I can find some activities to help them.
After school, since I was done at 11, I went to the beach. Can I just say how cool it is to have a beach be a 20 minute walk away! It sucks that today is probably the last day possible to go. BUT we stayed out there for about 3 hours and I got SO dark...like an idiot I left a bandaid on my leg so I will have this super awkward bandaid tanline!
Tomorrow I have to be at school by 8 and stay until 4. I have 3 hours of break which is WAY too much. But maybe I can use it as my planning time and get a lot done.
I'm on my third day of living completely on my own and it's weird. I'm cooking for myself, which is nice but I think it's gonna get real old, real fast. I've been to the grocery store every single day because I keep forgetting crap. But I think I finally have the essentials so I can start going every few days for stuff for dinner. I think I'm going to be eating tons of pasta!!!
Here's some of my concoctions:
It's weird having to buy house stuff and I'm not realizing all the crap I need until I'm in the middle of needing it. My current list includes:
- Shower Caddy
- Broom
- Mop
- Bedsheets
Today was my second day teaching and it did NOT go as smoothly as the first. I am glad Wednesdays are short because I don't think I will like them. One girl got kicked out of class for being belligerent, I think because she couldn't understand me but I couldn't exactly figure out what was going on. All I know is she stormed out and slammed the door and the girls in front of me were being adorable and giving me the "I don't know what's going on either!!!" eyes.
The second class was REALLY interested in what I had to say...however their level of English is LOW. It's gonna be soooo hard to teach these lower-leveled kids and I hope I can find some activities to help them.
After school, since I was done at 11, I went to the beach. Can I just say how cool it is to have a beach be a 20 minute walk away! It sucks that today is probably the last day possible to go. BUT we stayed out there for about 3 hours and I got SO dark...like an idiot I left a bandaid on my leg so I will have this super awkward bandaid tanline!
Tomorrow I have to be at school by 8 and stay until 4. I have 3 hours of break which is WAY too much. But maybe I can use it as my planning time and get a lot done.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
I am a teacher.
So yesterday was my first day of school. It's weird to be on the other side of language acquisition classes. Most of the classes (in fact, all except one) have at least a good enough majority of students who speak English. They asked a thousand questions about me and my life and it was actually really fun.
Period 1: BTS accounting students (BTS refers to basically the equivalent of receiving your associates degree but you get it from your high school. This class was fun. It's with the teacher I was living with so I was comfortable with her. There was a group of boys who of course thought they were hot shots, every class asked me "Do you have a boyfriend?", "where do you live?", and i could them amongst themselves asking if I have facebook haha.
Period 2: Terminale students (seniors). This class was the one that spoke no english. The teacher spoke them in French and they were learning how to write a cover letter and resume. I'm not sure HOW I'm going to handle this class. I'm thinking really remedial games with tons of vocab. I don't even know.
Then I had a two hour lunch, which isn't so bad...I can use it to check email and stuff or plan if I need.
Period 3: BTS Mechanics. This class will be FUN haha it's ALL boys aged 21-23. They were absolutely smitten with me. They had really high levels of English though and were a lot of fun. I look forward to this class. One of the boys asked if I'd be willing to meet with them occasionally outside of class if they wanted to improve their English. We exchanged emails and he sent me the sweetest email saying that he hoped I understood that he really just wants to be fluent and he thinks the best way is to learn by practicing with a native speaker. I am very impressed by his determination and I will probably agree to like an hour extra per week.
Period 4: Terminale-English reinforcement. This class should be fun. The girls were more talkative, all the other classes the girls sat silent while the boys talked up a storm. This class they are working on a Midsummer Night's Dream and I think they are actually going to put on the play which will be really fun! I'm looking forward to this as well.
Period 5: Terminale. This class was a lot of fun too. I LOVE the teacher. She is a sweetheart, I have her for 3 classes and I am so happy about that. She saw me in the hall earlier that day and like stopped me and made sure I was doing ok because they all know I've had issues finding housing. This class was FULL of energy, the teacher had to separate like groups of friends haha it was crazy. But they were fun.
Overall, french teenagers are A HANDFUL. I seriously feel like they were WAY worse behaved than students when I was in high school, but I could be wrong. They all seem really nice and hopefully if I can stay strong and I don't LET them walk all over me they wont...we will see. I have two more classes so I will update more then!
Period 1: BTS accounting students (BTS refers to basically the equivalent of receiving your associates degree but you get it from your high school. This class was fun. It's with the teacher I was living with so I was comfortable with her. There was a group of boys who of course thought they were hot shots, every class asked me "Do you have a boyfriend?", "where do you live?", and i could them amongst themselves asking if I have facebook haha.
Period 2: Terminale students (seniors). This class was the one that spoke no english. The teacher spoke them in French and they were learning how to write a cover letter and resume. I'm not sure HOW I'm going to handle this class. I'm thinking really remedial games with tons of vocab. I don't even know.
Then I had a two hour lunch, which isn't so bad...I can use it to check email and stuff or plan if I need.
Period 3: BTS Mechanics. This class will be FUN haha it's ALL boys aged 21-23. They were absolutely smitten with me. They had really high levels of English though and were a lot of fun. I look forward to this class. One of the boys asked if I'd be willing to meet with them occasionally outside of class if they wanted to improve their English. We exchanged emails and he sent me the sweetest email saying that he hoped I understood that he really just wants to be fluent and he thinks the best way is to learn by practicing with a native speaker. I am very impressed by his determination and I will probably agree to like an hour extra per week.
Period 4: Terminale-English reinforcement. This class should be fun. The girls were more talkative, all the other classes the girls sat silent while the boys talked up a storm. This class they are working on a Midsummer Night's Dream and I think they are actually going to put on the play which will be really fun! I'm looking forward to this as well.
Period 5: Terminale. This class was a lot of fun too. I LOVE the teacher. She is a sweetheart, I have her for 3 classes and I am so happy about that. She saw me in the hall earlier that day and like stopped me and made sure I was doing ok because they all know I've had issues finding housing. This class was FULL of energy, the teacher had to separate like groups of friends haha it was crazy. But they were fun.
Overall, french teenagers are A HANDFUL. I seriously feel like they were WAY worse behaved than students when I was in high school, but I could be wrong. They all seem really nice and hopefully if I can stay strong and I don't LET them walk all over me they wont...we will see. I have two more classes so I will update more then!
Monday, October 10, 2011
I HAVE A HOME!
Yesterday I saw the most adorable studio-loft and, although it is 500 euros a month I DIDNT CARE. It was perfect and my parents said they'd help me pay, also I can apply for the CAF (basically France's version of welfare but anyone...students, housewives, etc....can apply for it) so that will help.
It's right on the main street so it's close to salsa/going out/the metro/the tram/etc so it will be nice. It's kind of noisy on the street but I think I will be ok.
It's dorm-style so the toilets are outside. I have my own shower and sink and kitchen so that's nice. I didn't realize HOW MUCH stuff I took for granted living at home. I bought oil, salt and pepper, soap and paper towels and I need SO much more haha.
Here are some crappy mobile pictures I took for you to see my new home
It's right on the main street so it's close to salsa/going out/the metro/the tram/etc so it will be nice. It's kind of noisy on the street but I think I will be ok.
It's dorm-style so the toilets are outside. I have my own shower and sink and kitchen so that's nice. I didn't realize HOW MUCH stuff I took for granted living at home. I bought oil, salt and pepper, soap and paper towels and I need SO much more haha.
Here are some crappy mobile pictures I took for you to see my new home
Entryway to my new home!
Kitchen!
Desk
Upstairs...bed, shower, sink!!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
I can do this.
So, in reference to my entry on Monday, I have no entered the frustration stage of culture shock.
Today we had a meeting that took ALL day and was miserable. I hardly undestood a word they said and the room was so stuffy, toward the end I just got so stressed I nearly had a panic attack and myself and Becca RAN out of the building as soon as people started leaving. Stupid French Bureaucracy.
I am currently bouncing between depression, acceptance, and frustration...stimm waiting for this honeymoon stage.
In positive news, I have managed to learn how to take the metro around the city and I am working on the bus. This is officially the longest time I've been away from home without a family member and I think it's just barely starting to hit me that I have moved out of my hometown and I am in Europe.
I am praying to whatever God that will listen that I will find a suitable housing arrangement before Monday. I NEED to be settled so this can feel like some sort of home.
Settling In…To Frustration?!
This is a difficult stage of culture shock, familiar to anyone who has lived abroad or traveled for a long time. You don’t understand gestures. You get laughed at, you horribly offend a little old lady without knowing why.
The usual response is anger. I often tell people that culture shock is is walking out the door, being greeted by a neighbor and wanting nothing more than to shout obscenities at them.I legitimately hate this city. Granted, I haven't had a great deal of time to enjoy it, and that is probably why I hate it. A man was meowing at a girl on the metro today. Seriously?!?!
It is a visceral reaction that permeates every part of the experience, from misunderstanding shopkeepers, to losing your keys or missing the bus. Frustration comes and goes, disillusion comes on like a monsoon and the pangs of homesickness can become debilitating.
Today we had a meeting that took ALL day and was miserable. I hardly undestood a word they said and the room was so stuffy, toward the end I just got so stressed I nearly had a panic attack and myself and Becca RAN out of the building as soon as people started leaving. Stupid French Bureaucracy.
I am currently bouncing between depression, acceptance, and frustration...stimm waiting for this honeymoon stage.
In positive news, I have managed to learn how to take the metro around the city and I am working on the bus. This is officially the longest time I've been away from home without a family member and I think it's just barely starting to hit me that I have moved out of my hometown and I am in Europe.
I am praying to whatever God that will listen that I will find a suitable housing arrangement before Monday. I NEED to be settled so this can feel like some sort of home.
Monday, October 3, 2011
One step backward
Today sucked. I'm pretty sure I'm doing everything wrong. I was supposed to go to my school today at 9am and do a shit ton of paperwork and I didn't because my teacher didn't realize I needed that stuff by Wednesday.
I didn't take something to my immigration meeting because I didn't realize I needed it. So now I have to go back tomorrow before I have a consulate meeting.
I just want to get a phone so I can contact people and not be so damn lost.
I didn't take something to my immigration meeting because I didn't realize I needed it. So now I have to go back tomorrow before I have a consulate meeting.
I just want to get a phone so I can contact people and not be so damn lost.
One More
Victoria sent me an article today and these are some parts that hit home hardest:
Culture shock.You’re lost, standing baffled in new surroundings with a heavy pack on your shoulders, unable to tell left from right, up from down, phone booths from trash cans or ripoff artists from friends.
But this image of sudden shock isn’t quite accurate.
In reality, culture shock is a much more nuanced phenomenon that can take months to develop and overcome. Culture shock will flip your emotions topsy-turvy. It will effect you in completely unexpected ways.
More than simply being surprised at unfamiliar social norms, weird new food or foreign modes of conversation, culture shock will impact you long after you become familiar and comfortable with the day-to-day customs of a new culture.
Culture shock tends to move through four different phases: wonder, frustration, depression and acceptance.
Of course, like all things that happen in our complicated little brains, it’s never really that simple or easy. Each of these stages take time to run their course, and how deeply one effects you is never set in stone. Even the order of these 4 stages can be unpredictable.
Depression: Feeling Stuck
Ah, the big one. We’ve all felt a little down before, but rarely when we’re so far from home.
Depression on the road is a feeling of hopelessness and longing, like nothing will ever be OK again until you hop on that plane home.
The worst part about this brand of moping is that it’s difficult to see the link to culture shock – the feeling can sometimes seems disconnected from travel, and often even homesickness. It can take the form of simple, implacable malaise.
It’s hard to be so far away, especially if you’re all by yourself. Frustration can bring on homesickness, but depression adds the dimension of feeling like you just have to get out.
Acceptance: Home Away From Home
Acceptance does not necessarily entail total understanding – it’s nearly impossible to ever claim complete understanding of another culture – but instead involves the realization that you don’t have to “get” it all. You find what makes you happy and content in your new surroundings.
And there lies the crux of culture shock: the bad stuff, like feeling lost, hopeless and out of place, will run its course no matter what happens.
Going The Distance
Even though you can’t avoid culture shock entirely, there are things you can do to make it easier on yourself.
The first step, of course, is to recognize that what you’re going through is culture shock. If you can come to terms with wild mood swings and sad times, and recognize they’re part of the inevitable process, it’s a lot easier to convince yourself that the bad feelings will pass. And they will.
Secondly, it’s crucial to learn the language as you go. Culture shock, at its simplest, is an inability to integrate, and the biggest barrier to that is generally language. The more able a traveler is to laugh, cry and seek solace with the locals, the easier it is to deal with ups and downs.
Though it can be one of the toughest parts of traveling, culture shock is just as integral to the experience as food, people and scenery. By recognizing it for what it is and doing your best to cope, you can easily prevent culture shock from ruining an otherwise fantastic journey.
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