Tomorrow morning I leave. I have never felt sadder in my entire life.
Everyone keeps telling me how brave I am and my response is that I'm not. I feel like I didn't think this through. I am so sad and so scared and I do not know if I will be able to do this.
I am going to miss everyone in Tucson more than they realize and it sucks so much having to say goodbye, even if it is only for 7 months. :(
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
A preview of my new home
Since this blog has been a little negative, I decided to google some pictures of Marseille and to post them for everyone to see my new home for the next 7 months!
View of the Vieux Port (Old Port), I plan on living within walking distance from here because this is pretty much the downtown area.
-Look at how BLUE that water is!!
This is NOT what you see when you see an aerial view of Tucson! Small town girl, meet big city life.
The only picture I can find of my actual school.
Le Stade Velodrome.
The football (soccer) stadium in Marseille. I definitely want to try and catch a match at sometime in my 7 months there. It would be wrong of me to not!
Google seems pretty scarce on photos of Marseille, or they're all the same view of the sea! I will take a ton as soon as I get there and post them!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Aye.
Everyday closer is more and more difficult.
In many ways it feels like I'm simply going on vacation and I'll be back in 2 weeks (Victoria I now officially know how you felt).
I've cried pretty much everyday this week. Yesterday was a headache. I changed my hotel because I realized that the airport is unrealistically far from where I actually want to live. I panicked and sent out at least a dozen emails on appartager.com of people seeing about renting a place. A few responded telling me to call them, yeah I have a US number...I can't do that, so cool. I told them I'd call them when I got to France.
Everyone keeps telling me how brave I am. Truth be told I'm not, and I tell them that and they don't believe me. I had a decision without thinking it through. How the hell am I, a 22 year old who is just barely becoming somewhat independent, going to even be able to somewhat handle moving to a country where I barely understand the reason and don't know ANYONE?!?!?! I am so dumb.
It doesn't help that I'm the most nostalgic person ever. Everytime I drive by somewhere somewhat significant I get sad. I guess I feel like, a lot can happen in 7 months. I'm gonna come back and everyone is going to be different and nobody will have missed me (at least that's my fear). I have this, vision of myself as not being memorable. I always get shocked when someone from my past comes up to me and recognizes me. I guess it's because I've always been kinda shy and I am surprised I have made enough impact for people to remember. I dunno.
I'm gonna miss a lot of people more than they realize, that's pretty hard to think about too. I have amazing people in my life, both that I've known for years and have just met.
I hope I find my niche quickly and that I am able to adjust without being too homesick.
I can't believe I'm doing this, and I don't think I will until I am on that plane sobbing my eyes out.
In many ways it feels like I'm simply going on vacation and I'll be back in 2 weeks (Victoria I now officially know how you felt).
I've cried pretty much everyday this week. Yesterday was a headache. I changed my hotel because I realized that the airport is unrealistically far from where I actually want to live. I panicked and sent out at least a dozen emails on appartager.com of people seeing about renting a place. A few responded telling me to call them, yeah I have a US number...I can't do that, so cool. I told them I'd call them when I got to France.
Everyone keeps telling me how brave I am. Truth be told I'm not, and I tell them that and they don't believe me. I had a decision without thinking it through. How the hell am I, a 22 year old who is just barely becoming somewhat independent, going to even be able to somewhat handle moving to a country where I barely understand the reason and don't know ANYONE?!?!?! I am so dumb.
It doesn't help that I'm the most nostalgic person ever. Everytime I drive by somewhere somewhat significant I get sad. I guess I feel like, a lot can happen in 7 months. I'm gonna come back and everyone is going to be different and nobody will have missed me (at least that's my fear). I have this, vision of myself as not being memorable. I always get shocked when someone from my past comes up to me and recognizes me. I guess it's because I've always been kinda shy and I am surprised I have made enough impact for people to remember. I dunno.
I'm gonna miss a lot of people more than they realize, that's pretty hard to think about too. I have amazing people in my life, both that I've known for years and have just met.
I hope I find my niche quickly and that I am able to adjust without being too homesick.
I can't believe I'm doing this, and I don't think I will until I am on that plane sobbing my eyes out.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
One step closer
So, I just booked two nights stay in a hotel near the Marseille airport.
Everything is getting more and more real. I feel like I'm just about to go on vacation. I've never made a life change even close to this before. I've spent the last 20 years of my life in the same 20 mile radius...now here I go, 7 months completely independent. Holy crap.
You all are lucky you wont have to be around me for my first two weeks there. Expect many tears and panic.
With all that being said. I am beyond ready for this adventure.
12 days and counting.
Everything is getting more and more real. I feel like I'm just about to go on vacation. I've never made a life change even close to this before. I've spent the last 20 years of my life in the same 20 mile radius...now here I go, 7 months completely independent. Holy crap.
You all are lucky you wont have to be around me for my first two weeks there. Expect many tears and panic.
With all that being said. I am beyond ready for this adventure.
12 days and counting.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Time's a-tickin'.
So it is officially less than 2 weeks until I leave. Time is flying!
Sunday was my last salsa social, which was a sort of jumpstart to the goodbye process. I think everything hit me then. The last week has been rough; it seemed like everything was crumbling before me and I was convinced that I had made the worst decision ever.
I still don't have anywhere to live, but I think I have a plan so that is a huge relief. I'm going to stay in a hotel close to the airport for at least the first night or two so that I'm not trying to navigate the metro (which is COMPLETELY foreign to me) while exhausted and stressed and probably really sad.
With all that said, I think I'm ok with going. There is going to be SO much that I will miss here. Ritmos looks like it's going to be so solid and so good and I am so sad I'm going to miss this semester...but I can't wait to come back in the spring and see all the progress these beginners have made.
I'm going to miss all my friends (old and new) beyond belief but I know we will cross paths again one day.
Everytime I see a video or something set in France I get butterflies. I was looking at hotels in Marseille and they had the most gorgeous pictures of the sea I have ever seen and I still refuse to believe that that will be home for at least the next 7 months. Man, I am a very lucky girl.
Sunday was my last salsa social, which was a sort of jumpstart to the goodbye process. I think everything hit me then. The last week has been rough; it seemed like everything was crumbling before me and I was convinced that I had made the worst decision ever.
I still don't have anywhere to live, but I think I have a plan so that is a huge relief. I'm going to stay in a hotel close to the airport for at least the first night or two so that I'm not trying to navigate the metro (which is COMPLETELY foreign to me) while exhausted and stressed and probably really sad.
With all that said, I think I'm ok with going. There is going to be SO much that I will miss here. Ritmos looks like it's going to be so solid and so good and I am so sad I'm going to miss this semester...but I can't wait to come back in the spring and see all the progress these beginners have made.
I'm going to miss all my friends (old and new) beyond belief but I know we will cross paths again one day.
Everytime I see a video or something set in France I get butterflies. I was looking at hotels in Marseille and they had the most gorgeous pictures of the sea I have ever seen and I still refuse to believe that that will be home for at least the next 7 months. Man, I am a very lucky girl.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Here it comes
17 days and I will be on my way to starting the craziest journey of my life.
I am completely bi polar with my emotions, going between completely panicked and terrified...to so antsy and excited that I want to go camp out at the airport right now.
I still have no set place to live. I look almost daily but I just get quickly stressed and discouraged. Ugh, I don't know how to do this. I have no idea how to be an adult.
One of my closest friends left for Korea on Wednesday. That, coupled with a series of events that have occurred this week sent me into a tailspin. I spent about 90% of the day in tears. I didn't get out of bed until I had to at about 4pm. It was so rough. I think everything hit me like a ton of bricks. Her leaving made me realize probably one of the hardest parts of growing up yet, the fact that I probably will never live in the same city as all of the people I have grown up with and loved for the majority of my life.
Not only am I leaving people I've known for years, but I'm leaving a bunch of new friends who I have had barely enough time to get to know! I am thankful for the internet; facebook, skype, blogger, etc. because that way I will be able to keep in touch and keep tabs on all my wonderful family and friends.
There are so many changes going on in every single facet of my life that it's mildly hard to take at sometimes and it makes me wonder if I picked the worst time in the world to leave. However, on the other side of that, maybe I picked the best time. I'm not sure if I'd be able to cope with all this if I was caught up in the middle.
In some ways I feel like I'm still 16 years old. Naive, boy-crazy, and not a true care in the world. In many other ways, I am not that girl at all. I have grown up leaps and bounds in the last 4 years. I am hoping that all the lessons I have learned have prepared me to take on the world all by myself. We will see in just over 2 shorts weeks.
I am completely bi polar with my emotions, going between completely panicked and terrified...to so antsy and excited that I want to go camp out at the airport right now.
I still have no set place to live. I look almost daily but I just get quickly stressed and discouraged. Ugh, I don't know how to do this. I have no idea how to be an adult.
One of my closest friends left for Korea on Wednesday. That, coupled with a series of events that have occurred this week sent me into a tailspin. I spent about 90% of the day in tears. I didn't get out of bed until I had to at about 4pm. It was so rough. I think everything hit me like a ton of bricks. Her leaving made me realize probably one of the hardest parts of growing up yet, the fact that I probably will never live in the same city as all of the people I have grown up with and loved for the majority of my life.
Not only am I leaving people I've known for years, but I'm leaving a bunch of new friends who I have had barely enough time to get to know! I am thankful for the internet; facebook, skype, blogger, etc. because that way I will be able to keep in touch and keep tabs on all my wonderful family and friends.
There are so many changes going on in every single facet of my life that it's mildly hard to take at sometimes and it makes me wonder if I picked the worst time in the world to leave. However, on the other side of that, maybe I picked the best time. I'm not sure if I'd be able to cope with all this if I was caught up in the middle.
In some ways I feel like I'm still 16 years old. Naive, boy-crazy, and not a true care in the world. In many other ways, I am not that girl at all. I have grown up leaps and bounds in the last 4 years. I am hoping that all the lessons I have learned have prepared me to take on the world all by myself. We will see in just over 2 shorts weeks.
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