Everyday closer is more and more difficult.
In many ways it feels like I'm simply going on vacation and I'll be back in 2 weeks (Victoria I now officially know how you felt).
I've cried pretty much everyday this week. Yesterday was a headache. I changed my hotel because I realized that the airport is unrealistically far from where I actually want to live. I panicked and sent out at least a dozen emails on appartager.com of people seeing about renting a place. A few responded telling me to call them, yeah I have a US number...I can't do that, so cool. I told them I'd call them when I got to France.
Everyone keeps telling me how brave I am. Truth be told I'm not, and I tell them that and they don't believe me. I had a decision without thinking it through. How the hell am I, a 22 year old who is just barely becoming somewhat independent, going to even be able to somewhat handle moving to a country where I barely understand the reason and don't know ANYONE?!?!?! I am so dumb.
It doesn't help that I'm the most nostalgic person ever. Everytime I drive by somewhere somewhat significant I get sad. I guess I feel like, a lot can happen in 7 months. I'm gonna come back and everyone is going to be different and nobody will have missed me (at least that's my fear). I have this, vision of myself as not being memorable. I always get shocked when someone from my past comes up to me and recognizes me. I guess it's because I've always been kinda shy and I am surprised I have made enough impact for people to remember. I dunno.
I'm gonna miss a lot of people more than they realize, that's pretty hard to think about too. I have amazing people in my life, both that I've known for years and have just met.
I hope I find my niche quickly and that I am able to adjust without being too homesick.
I can't believe I'm doing this, and I don't think I will until I am on that plane sobbing my eyes out.
1 comment:
ok, take two.
first of all, you are so silly for thinking this of yourself. the fact that multiple people from high school who both you didn't know and didn't know you have not only recognized you, but have done so immediately! and high school was when you really WERE a wallflower!... so imagine how much more memorable you are now that you're less shy and, of course, hot sh*t! people remember you now because you genuinely care about people and those you call friends see it so obviously. when you get back it'll be a big "ah, she's back!!" as if everyone was holding their breath for you to come back home! trust me, you WILL/ARE missed!!
you will make friends quickly, too... salsa has this wonderful way of making that happen easily. also, rueda is like an exclusive salsa club... kind of like a secret language. you will make a ton of friends there too.
anyways, there will be a great many things that you will be able to find comfort in in france that i took for granted coming here. things like... showers, bread, peanut butter and jelly... also, the fact that everyone won't stare at you before you even open your mouth, since you could easily pass for a french girl (as opposed to a korean girl :P). i miss the West already. haha!
france is gonna be awesome. korea will be awesome. i just wish we could skip the first month of heartaches, making new friends, loneliness, finding a niche and homesickness.
rach, ilessthanthreeyou!! you are the buffalo wings to my spinach dip. (to all the comments that follow, it's an inside joke/metaphor with no sexual innuendo whatsoever!!! so if you were gonna take it there, screw you!)
Post a Comment